Honesty

Everyone has heard of the phrase "Honesty is the best policy," right?  But that doesn't stop us from believing that little white lies make relationships work, huh?

Admit it, everyone uses white lies to some extent to try to help smooth over situations or make ourselves feel better about something.  You know, "No I promise I did not eat the last Krispy Kreme!"  or "Oh, yeah, that was great! I totally came that time!"  But where do we draw the line between white lies and real lies?  It seems that white lies are acceptable until the day when the lies have built a wall straight through the circle of trust and you don't even know the person who is on the other side.  Why do we let it get to this point? 

I know a couple where there has always been an understanding that white lies are just a part of life.  The girlfriend although continuously catching her guy in his lies continued to let them slide with not much being said.  Well, the couple got hacked both financially and the guy's identity was stolen.  The girlfriend didn't know the extent of the hack until she found a page on a sex networking website with intimate details and pictures of her guy.  Well the boyfriend obviously denies that he had created this website and pleads with the girl to believe him.  She wants to believe him but should she? He has built this wall of mistrust so now when it really counts does she believe him?  Would you?

I think everyone needs to do a double check on the little lies they tell their loved one.  Because really, if and when you have nothing else won't trust be something you can always have? 

When you are in love or committing to a person you are trusting that person with something that cannot really be replaced, i.e. your heart.  I mean yeah you rebuild your shattered heart but how long does that take and you will always be able to see the cracks, kind of like that vase that you didn't break at your grandma's.  But seriously, if you can't trust them with the little things, how are you going to trust them with the big things?  If you want to take it further think about if you stay with this person and have children together, again, without trust in everything how and why would you trust them with your children?  Now this is with the predetermination that you are not one of those weeping mothers on the news crying about how her boyfriend of a month beat her kid, OK?  But if nothing else we should all think about this.  We are careful about what we put on the internet, we are careful about what we tell co-workers and certain friends and family.  Why would we disclose and give everything to someone and then blow off those little lies only to find out that's all we really had to go on when it comes to the big lies? 

My advice:

Keep a full disclosure policy.  If your straight from the start it's hard to get turned around.  As you work on being honest with your partner work really hard on trusting them.  Sorry to say it but yes, work.  Trust what they say, until they give you a reason not to.  Here's the catch: if your being honest with him, and he's being honest with you, then there's no opportunity for a reason not to trust each other.  Right?



As always, feel free to post questions or e-mail me.  I love to help!